16 BUILD MANITOBA winnipegconstruction.ca WCA EDUCATION Learn how to handle tough conversations in Wendy Hofford’s new book, Rip off the Bandaid! Have That Tough Conversation!, now available on Amazon, Kindle or from www.wendyhofford.com and www.ripoffthebandaid.com. TACKLING TOUGH CONVERSATIONS By Wendy Hofford, Leadership Trainer, Speaker & Consultant Five tips to increase your confidence and better prepare yourself to handle difficult discussions If you are someone who would do anything to avoid having that tough conversation, you are not alone. Difficult conversations can leave you feeling uncomfortable, anxious and with the overwhelming feeling of dread. Your first choice is usually to ignore the situation and hope it will resolve itself. Unfortunately, the longer you ignore the situation, the bigger the problem can get. The more you learn how to deal with tough conversations, the less you will need to have them. These five steps can help you increase your confidence and prepare you for the next time you find yourself in need of a tough conversation. 2. Remove emotion When preparing for a tough conversation, focus on the facts and put aside any emotions you are feeling. Judgments can become clouded, with attention directed at what you are feeling rather than what needs to be done and said. To separate emotion from the situation, consider getting another perspective. Talk it through with someone you trust who is not involved. Or, write out your thoughts and feelings so you can identify them and understand how they are influencing your perspective. Before heading into these types of conversations determine what your desired outcome is. Without a clear end goal in mind, the conversation can meander, and you can end up with a totally different outcome. 1. Stop avoiding it, take control and face the fear Any situation that leaves you feeling uncomfortable ignites your natural response of avoidance. It is your natural fight or flight instinct. Avoidance provides a reward of momentary relief, but can cause bigger problems down the road – short-term gain for long-term dysfunction. Facing the fear is knowing there is a situation that needs to be addressed and recognizing you are strong enough to handle the conversation. The fear in our head is usually far worse than reality. 4. Consider all angles and prepare Prior to speaking with the other person, stop and consider how they may interpret the conversation. Think of all possible arguments, excuses or angles. Do you anticipate any resistance or barriers? How might they react? How might you react? Prepare for as many different scenarios as possible. Role-playing prior to the conversation and preparing for different scenarios can help you stay calm and in control. 5. Have the conversation Before you begin, centre yourself, take a deep breath and focus. Start the conversation with a direct, calm, controlled introduction. Stay away from using “you” and focus on using the word “I”. “You” is accusatory and makes people get defensive or resentful, and therefore less likely to make peace. An easy way to start is to simply say, “Thank you for joining me today so we can talk and clarify some things.” This sets the tone as more of a conversation rather than a confrontation. Keep the focus on the facts and work together to achieve a mutual agreement. As you end the conversation, be clear on the desired outcome and what it will take to make the necessary changes. 3. Determine the desired outcome Stay tuned for a new session on tackling tough conversations, coming this fall! Check winnipegconstruction.ca for full education program information.